Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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