at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
