Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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