I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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