She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want her autograph on my taint
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
