Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
