I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
