I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
