i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My penis needs a shock collar
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
