I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
