still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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