I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
