dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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