we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
