Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
