Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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