he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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