can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
