Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
