i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
