So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
