I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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