Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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