There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
