if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
