I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's rum buckets o'clock
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
