We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
