i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What did we do last night that was yellow?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
