She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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