i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
