trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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