He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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