fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
