So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He better not be in your backpack
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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