You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
