just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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