I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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