Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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