I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
