Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
