just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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