friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
