dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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