i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love you.
Bad choice
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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