i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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