I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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