she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bring me that man meat
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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