I wish I only lived at night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need a beard to bite.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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