I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
