Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
