Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
