I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
