my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
