if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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