I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
