i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
