I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
