Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
