someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
