I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
