Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
