I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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