batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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