Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
