Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
