Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
