I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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