i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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