I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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