Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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