Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
