Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
