Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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