After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
