So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
accomplished twins. life is a go
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
