she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
