She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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