i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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