he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I want a musical about memes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
