Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
