I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize